Friday 25 October 2013

Limerick Competition

Competition time. I'm looking for the funniest limerick on the subject of "Getting Old." The winner will be chosen by me (power crazy fool) and if you happen to be an independently published author you will have your book promoted at www.look4books.co.uk for one whole week at the top of the homepage, and I will give you your own page on the site forever.
So what are you waiting for? Post your limericks in the comment section below this. Have fun.


Competition is now over. Winning Limerick by Stephen Quinlan.

What I hate most about ageing
Is people that age around me
With their grey thinning hair
And their shit leisure wear
It brings home my mortality 

Thank you to everyone that took part. There will be another competition starting tomorrow.

Saturday 5 October 2013

Humphrey Hair Do's

Short poem about a hairdressers
in Lowestoft.


Humphrey Hair Do's Ladies Stylist
For women of a certain age.
One cut one colour
That's short and blue,
Less Lady Gaga,
More Peggy Sue.

My Seaside Retreat

A glint of flame red illuminates the chimney tops,
Sunrise in my seaside retreat.
Gulls in aerial combat screech a fanfare for the new day.
The hopeless and the lost yawn long in Lowestoft.
Pebbles glisten on the Blue Flag beach,
The aged sit silently with their flasks of tea.
Pubescent mothers promenade their babies by the sea,
Young men with chins on chest hide inside their hoods.
Old men drowning in a torrent of booze,
Bedsit people languish in the shadows.
The North Sea lets out a despairing cry,
 "Lowestoft, Lowestoft, when did you die?"

Thursday 3 October 2013

Genuine Tweets From The Residents of Lowestoft

Whenever I'm feeling slightly inadequate I like to read what the fine people from the most easterly town in the UK have been posting on Twitter.

  17h
": someone give me a lift to lowestoft later for a fiver plssss x"a fiver would buy the place!

Nia and me bought matching pillows with hippos on today from Lidl in Lowestoft and they're so cute and soft, best thing ever

people having sex in the britten center? Oh wow classy lowestoft

  16m
Even my sisters cat got pregnant in Lowestoft.

We were in Central sheffield for most of two days and out and about Didn't see one mobility scooter

1 Oct
Mums idea was either to move to lowestoft or move to canada, why the fuck did she pick lowestoft

Whenever I see girls tweet anything to do with 'wanting a baby' I instantly think they must be from lowestoft hahaha

DID YOU KNOW SOUTH LOWESTOFT HAS THE MOST TEEN PREGANCIES IN THE WHOLE OF EUROPE

right your ALWAYS in lowestoft but constantly slating it, fuck off out of our town then :)))))

IK IM EXCITED AH THERES SO MANY CHAVS IN LOWESTOFT THOUGH IT HURTS MY BRAIN

This place is a dump (Checked in at Lowestoft Town Centre)

the sooner i move out of lowestoft the happier I'll be

: Lowestoft is such a fucking shit hole”

A great big thank you to the people of Lowestoft.



Tuesday 1 October 2013

Ode to Danny Dyer

The professional cockney,
A real life mockney.
Danny the geezer,
A bacardi breezer.
A man amongst men,
But not Dirty Den.

Mr. Danny Dyer,
The Essex Squire.
Where has he been?
Inside his glass chin.
A man amongst men?
More Barbie than Ken.